The Disappearance of Ryoko Asakura
by AllenP3989
Summary: Ryoko Asakura's life in the "Disappearance" world. Some mild, one-sided Ryoko/Yuki. Alternate character interpretation.
1. The Melancholy of Ryoko Asakura

Ryoko Asakura seemed perfect to everyone: smart, attractive, diligent, and personable. All of her teachers in middle school adored her, as did most of the students. Every quality that caused others to look up to a person Ryoko Asakura had to a great degree. Everything about her life right now indicated that she had a great future ahead of her. So why did she feel, dare she say it, melancholy?

An untrained observer might simply say that she missed her parents, who had lived abroad for several years now, but had paid for her to keep an apartment in the city so that she could remain at school in Japan. But that wasn't really the reason. True, she had missed them terribly the first few months, but as she fell into the routine of living alone she had found that she enjoyed the solitude. This, more than anything would have surprised the people who knew her, for she seemed like an eminently sociable girl.

And yet the truth was that most people bored her. It was all she could do to maintain her cheerful expression, rather than to break down in frustration and anger whenever she heard the vapid talk of her "friends" in middle school. It seemed that all they could talk about these days was which girl was soon to be confessed to by which boy, or the newest outfit someone had bought. Boring. Tiresome. And yet these were the only people she associated with. It wasn't really any better with boys. They didn't talk about anything interesting to her, and the numerous times when she was approached by boys it was almost always to ask her out. It wasn't as if Ryoko was indifferent to clothing (or even entirely indifferent to boys), but why did those things seem to be the prime obsessions of her peers?

At first she had thought that dealing with all of this was simply a means to an end. She would pretend to be warm towards these people, even as she felt as though her heart were encased in ice, to advance and to achieve her goals. She would be at the top of her class in high school, and go to a top university, and then…And then what? What goal was so important to her that she would put up with the daily, senseless prattle of the people around her? What was the point of it all?

What was her reason for living?

Of course, the thought of nonexistence scared her. In the dead of night, when she could look out the window and see the dark sky, she didn't gaze in wonder at the lights in the heavens like she had as a child, but in horror at the vast gulfs of oblivion that she knew separated these lights. She wasn't certain why her own mind should be of such a morbid bent, why at her age the fear of death and oblivion should be so real to her, but she couldn't shake the nameless dread that the night sky provoked. And for that reason, she was grateful for the daylight. It was for this reason that she went on living, continuing to be the perfect teenaged girl with a promising future. To put as much distance between her own being and oblivion as possible.

But soon even this morbid fear wasn't enough to drive her. As the break between her last year of middle school and her first year of high school dawned, Ryoko Asakura found herself losing her drive. There was no reason to exist. There wasn't really any point to anyone's life, was there? After all, when you get right down to it, humans are just a bundle of deterministic physical processes, just like anything else, with no more and no less meaning than a storm. Consciousness was just a trick that the brain played on itself to convince itself that it was important, long enough for the organism with that brain to reproduce.

Perhaps she had thought too much about the meaning of her existence, pondered too deeply, and had found, in the end, the worst horror of all: nothing. No cosmic horror, no abominations from beyond the stars could match the utter meaninglessness at the core of human existence.

These were the thoughts that festered in Ryoko's mind in March of that year. Even as she boarded the elevator on the fifth floor, departing to get groceries to make dinner that evening, she wondered whether there was any reason not to use the kitchen knife on herself instead. But that morbid fear still lurked at the back of her mind, that fear of absolute oblivion that prodded her ahead whenever she faltered, whenever she was in danger of going astray.

And today she would be grateful for that fear which had caused her to continue with what she had considered until then a pointless existence. Because today she would meet someone who would be very important to her.

As Ryoko exited the elevator and stepped into the complex's lobby, she noticed someone she hadn't seen there before: a short girl with pale, lavender-colored hair, dragging a foam mat with a sheet and blanket with one hand and attempting (not altogether successfully) to balance a stack of heavy-looking books in her other arm. The girl wore a greyish-colored T-shirt, and a pair of rather worn-out shorts, both of which looked slightly too large for her. Her face, which was downcast, was hidden from Ryoko's view. As the two girls neared each other, the newcomer's precarious balancing act with the books was nearly upset. But Ryoko, on impulse, intervened, steadying the books in the other girl's arm before they could tumble to the ground.

The new girl looked up, surprised, and Ryoko saw her face for the first time. Her expression was one of mingled surprise and embarrassment, as if she had been caught in an indecent state. Her extremely pale cheeks showed just the slightest sign of a blush, as her large eyes, staring from behind a pair of glasses, fixated momentarily on Ryoko's face.

Then, suddenly turning her head away, the pale girl quietly mumbled, "Sorry," in a humble voice that seemed almost fearful.

"Oh, it's no problem at all," Ryoko said cheerfully, "Here, please, let me help you with these, Miss…?"

"Nagato," said the other girl quietly.

/

Ryoko tried to engage the other girl in conversation as she helped her carry the heavy books, but found that the girl mostly seemed to prefer short responses. It seemed strange, because if these books were hers, she must have a very extensive vocabulary.

"So are all of these books yours?" asked Ryoko.

"Yes."

"So is your family just moving in, Miss Nagato?"

"It's only me," replied Nagato quietly, which Ryoko took to mean that this girl lived alone. She was struck by the odd coincidence of their meeting, and thought to ask if Miss Nagato's parents lived abroad. But she held her tongue. She didn't like it when others delved too deeply into her own living situation, and she wasn't sure if her new acquaintance would want to say why she lived alone at such a young age.

As they exited the elevator on the 7th floor, Nagato made her way to room 708, with Ryoko right behind her. As they entered the apartment, Ryoko noted that the only furniture in there right now was a kotatsu in the middle of the living room, and that apart from that, there was nothing else to be seen, except for the fridge and microwave in the kitchen.

"Is there anything else you need help carrying, Miss Nagato?" she asked.

"No," said Nagato quietly, looking at Ryoko's feet.

"Well, by the way, I'm Asakura Ryoko. I live in apartment 505. If you need any help settling in, please don't hesitate to ask."

"I'm fine," said the girl shyly, seeming to blush just slightly.

As Ryoko left 708, she secretly disbelieved what Miss Nagato had said, that she was fine. The girl looked too lost and afraid to be completely fine. It was then that Ryoko decided that she would bring dinner over to the new resident this evening, since she was cooking anyway. She'd make something that wasn't too much extra work to make in a large amount.

As she walked to the corner market, Ryoko silently wondered why she was so concerned for the welfare of some person she had just met. After all, she didn't really know Miss Nagato, and their initial interaction didn't even indicate that Nagato wanted anything to do with Ryoko. But try as she might, Ryoko couldn't rationalize away this impulse. Even as she arrived at the store and began comparing the prices on different ingredients, Ryoko couldn't stop thinking about the girl, about her expression when she first allowed Ryoko to see her face.

She eventually decided on what she would make for dinner, and brought the ingredients to the front counter. Ryoko talked affably enough with the clerk at the front as he scanned out the items she was buying, but secretly wished that he would hurry up and be done with it. She wanted to get back to her apartment as soon as possible so that she could start preparing dinner. Because the sooner she finished, the sooner she would have a reason to approach Miss Nagato again.

As she walked back from the store, Ryoko found herself wondering about the newcomer's surname. It was so strange, for a girl like her, one who looked so fragile and vulnerable. It was then that Ryoko realized she didn't know the girl's given name. What sort of given name would a person like that have? Ryoko wondered. And why was that so important to her in the first place?

Arriving at the apartment complex, Ryoko noticed that the manager was at his desk in the office at the side of the lobby. Walking over, she decided to ask him for information. She knew that the manager had always taken a shine to her, and would tell her anything she wanted to know about the residents of the apartment complex.

"Hello!" she said cheerfully to the manager.

"Why, hello, Miss Asakura," replied the manager, "Just back from the store, I see."

"Yes, I was actually going to make dinner for the new resident, the one who moved in today."

"Oh, well that's very kind of you. But then again, that's just like you, always such a kind girl."

"Thank you, sir. But I was wondering, do you know the name of the new resident?"

"Hm, well, I think she's…um…lemme try and remember…ah, yes, Nagato Yuki, is that the one? I think her family name is spelled the same as the battleship Nagato, and her given name is spelled with the characters for 'has hope'."

"That sounds right, sir," replied Ryoko, "Thank you."

After chatting a while longer, Ryoko proceeded to the elevator and pressed the button for the fifth floor. Yuki. It could also mean "snow", Ryoko knew. A perfect name for the girl she had met. Something fragile, and cold, but beautiful.

/

Ryoko phoned apartment 708 after completing dinner and placing it in a container that she could carry down to the fifth floor. She found that she was slightly nervous that no one would pick up, but was relieved as she heard a slight click, and then a small, nervous sounding voice that said, "yes?"

"Hello, Miss Nagato? It's Ryoko Asakura from Room 505. I was wondering if you would like something to eat, seeing as it's your first day here, and you're probably rather busy."

"Oh, well, I…"

"I insist, Miss Nagato. It's already made." Asakura surprised even herself. She wasn't normally this assertive, unless another person was just being unreasonably difficult. But she couldn't take "no" for an answer in this case.

And when she arrived at 708, Miss Nagato opened the door to her, still looking slightly nervous. Ryoko watched the petite figure who led her silently into her apartment for the second time that day, and wondered why she lived alone, and for how long.

Looking around the apartment, Asakura noted that Nagato really didn't have any furniture, other than the kotatsu. She was worried. Did this girl know how to take care of herself?

Nagato returned from the kitchen, carrying some bowls and utensils for eating. She seemed determined to avoid eye contact with Ryoko, which made Ryoko just a little hurt. Still, she assumed that Miss Nagato was just shy with everyone, and was probably the one most bothered by it.

As they sat down to eat, Ryoko continued to try to engage Nagato in conversation:

"What grade level are you in school, Miss Nagato?" she asked.

"I, um, I start high school next month," replied Nagato.

"Really? It's the same for me. Where are you attending high school?"

"North High," responded Nagato. So they would be going to the same school! For a reason Ryoko couldn't quite define, she was overjoyed at this new bit of information.

"That's where I'm going as well. So we'll be going to school together. Have you been fitted for your school uniform yet?"

Nagato shook her head slightly.

"Well, that needs to be done soon. I haven't been fitted either, so we can go together, if you'd like."

Nagato nodded.

They talked for a while about other things. Or, to be more accurate, Ryoko asked questions, and Miss Nagato responded briefly.

"So what clubs do you think you might join at North High?" asked Ryoko.

"I don't know," Nagato responded.

"Well, what interests do you have? What do you like to do?"

"Reading."

"That's a good interest to have. I'm sure there's a literary club at North High. Why don't you check it out when school starts? It's best to get involved in clubs as early as possible in high school, because I've heard that people who join late often feel out of place among people who've been in a club since freshman year. Plus, it's a great way to meet new people."

"I'll think about it," Nagato answered answered quietly.

As they finished eating, Ryoko said, "Was dinner good?" She received a slight nod in response. And then Miss Nagato added, "Thank you." Ryoko thrilled at hearing her say it.

"It's no problem, really. It's better to eat with company, and I don't really know anyone else in this complex that well."

Nagato surprised Ryoko by asking a question of her own, "Do you, um, live alone as well?"

Normally, Ryoko would not have wanted to answer the question, but found that she didn't mind when Miss Nagato asked it.

"Yes. My parents actually work at the Japanese embassy in Canada, but they wanted me to be educated here. Unfortunately, there aren't any relatives I can stay with."

"I see," Nagato replied quietly, and Ryoko couldn't help but detect a note of sadness in her voice. What was the reason for that? Why did Miss Nagato live alone? She really wanted to ask, but decided to control her curiosity. It wasn't her business to pry, after all.

As she left the apartment, Ryoko said, "You can keep the leftovers. Just put the rest in a container when it cools down. I'll be back tomorrow to get the pot. Also, since we should get fitted for our school uniforms as soon as possible, why don't we both go tomorrow?"

Nagato nodded, and smiled softly.

It was the most beautiful sight Ryoko had seen.

/

As she prepared for bed, Ryoko was struck by the realization that she had felt more genuinely cheerful today than she had in a long time. It had started out like any other day, but something had changed it. Someone had changed it.

Ryoko wondered why she should attach so much meaning to her meeting with Yuki Nagato. Why had that person occupied her thoughts since she first saw her? Maybe, she thought, it was because she recognized in the shy girl with glasses someone who needed her help, her protection. While existence for its own sake was a bore, existing to take care of Miss Nagato was something she would do happily. She thought of Yuki's quiet, pale beauty, a light in this dark world.

And as Ryoko stared out her window, bathed in the moonlight, she realized that she found the night sky beautiful again.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Ryoko got up earlier than usual and phoned Miss Nagato's apartment. Nagato answered, sounding just slightly sleepy, "Hello?"

"Good morning, Miss Nagato. Are you ready to go?"

Seeming to hesitate just slightly, Nagato answered, "yes."

When Ryoko arrived at Nagato's apartment, she picked up the pot, and noted that Miss Nagato had cleaned it thoroughly. She also noted, as she observed Nagato appraisingly, that she was wearing the same clothes that she had been wearing the previous day. Were those all she owned? Ryoko decided that she would need to see to it that this girl had some proper clothes.

After Ryoko and Nagato stopped by the former's apartment to drop off the pot, they set off for the school, to be fitted for uniforms.

When they arrived, and Nagato was asked for her measurements, she looked embarrassed when she admitted that she didn't know them. Looking exasperated, the woman asking for her measurements took out some measuring tape and set to work recording Nagato's measurements. Ryoko couldn't help but wish that she were the one doing it, to be able to lay her hands on Yuki so casually…

Wait! Where was this train of thought going? How could her thoughts take such a perverse turn? Ryoko knew that her own preference for "the same team" weighed less than a hummingbird. It was nonexistent, really! And how could she sully Miss Nagato's image in her mind by imagining her in such a way? Besides, even if she did feel in such a way towards Miss Nagato, the chances that Miss Nagato would return such feelings was slim to none.

Giving her own measurements easily, Ryoko was given a uniform that fit those measurements. Noting the sailor suit design, she silently wondered whether the principal or some other administrator at the school had a fetish for that sort of thing.

As she stepped out of the changing room and looked in the mirror, she noted worriedly that the uniform was rather short. She asked the woman, who said it was supposed to be that length. Really? Where were standards of modesty going?

But when Yuki Nagato exited the changing room, Ryoko couldn't help but be dazzled by her appearance. It seemed as if the school uniform was made specifically for her.

"That looks great on you, Miss Nagato!" said Ryoko enthusiastically, causing Yuki to blush profusely.

/

As the first day of classes approached, Ryoko spent a lot more time with Yuki Nagato. Still, Ryoko was worried for her new friend. Yuki was very quiet, and didn't speak much, even with Ryoko. And with others, she spoke even less or not at all. Ryoko knew that this was because Yuki was incredibly shy, but she also knew that others might mistake her short-spoken manner for brusqueness. Ryoko wasn't sure how her friend would get along with others at school. And she was disappointed when the class rosters were sent out, and she saw that they would be in different classes. That was unfortunate. Still, maybe it was for the best. After all, Ryoko thought, if she spent too much time staring at Yuki, her academic performance would suffer, and she couldn't have that, not now that she had a reason to go on living.

But she still worried about how Yuki would fare in school. Ryoko had, at least, convinced her to join the literary club, and she hoped that if Miss Nagato spent time with people who shared her interests, she might be more inclined to open up to others. And maybe she would smile more. Ryoko thought back to the first time she had seen the new girl smile, and wished that she could see that more often. That would make her happier than anything else.

On the first day of classes, she arrived at Yuki's apartment to make sure that she was up and ready to go. Ryoko had the slightest suspicion that Miss Nagato might be overcome by the nervousness induced by the prospect of meeting all new classmates, and might need to be encouraged to leave her apartment. This suspicion was increased when Miss Nagato answered the phone in her apartment, sounding nervous, and saying she "wasn't quite ready" to go yet.

However, when Ryoko arrived at her apartment, Yuki opened the door for her willingly enough. But it was clear that she was nervous, looking almost terrified. Also, she was still wearing the plain green pajamas Ryoko had purchased for her last week, when she had insisted on taking Yuki out to shop for some everyday clothes.

"I-I d-don't know if I'm f-feeling up to going," said Yuki. Ryoko noticed that the smaller girl was trembling.

"Miss Nagato, you don't have a fever do you?"

"No, it's just," Nagato hesitated, turning her face away as if ashamed, "I-I just, I'm…scared," she finished quietly, her face showing an intense blush.

"Miss Nagato, please don't be afraid. I'm sure that everyone will like you. Everyone who's deserving of your regard, anyway. But you really need to get dressed and ready to go, otherwise we'll be late." Nagato looked about ready to argue, but then seemed to quietly assent, going to a closet and pulling out her school uniform. Ryoko went into the other room while her friend dressed, not wanting to upset her sense of modesty.

At length her friend said, "I'm ready," and Nagato and Asakura set off for school.

/

The opening ceremonies were as boring as Ryoko had expected. If Ryoko didn't have exemplary self-control, the principal's speech would have put her to sleep. Her first class was similarly snore-inducing. Okabe-sensei insisted on having everyone give their own brief introductory speech, and of course all of the responses were canned "I'm so and so from so and so middle school, and I'm looking forward to meeting all of you and having a great year together." Secretly, she wished that someone would say something interesting, or at least out of the ordinary, just to break the monotony. But nothing happened, and of course Ryoko's own speech was the same. The boy who sat in front of her sounded particularly boring. He had given his full name in the speech, but Ryoko found that she forgot it almost instantly.

The rest of the day passed smoothly enough. At lunch, Ryoko thought of visiting Yuki's classroom, but decided not to. Hopefully, Yuki would take the opportunity to get to know some of the people in her class.

After school, Ryoko took the time to find out where the literature clubroom was located, to see if Yuki had taken her suggestion. She walked over to the cultural building and up the stairs, finding the literature clubroom fairly easily. It seemed awfully quiet, but then again, it would probably have many people in it who preferred to read or write quietly rather than talk. Entering, Ryoko was surprised to see Yuki there, but no one else, sitting in a chair in the corner with her head in her hands.

"Miss Nagato, are you all right?" asked Ryoko worriedly. Yuki, who always looked so small and vulnerable, now appeared even more so.

And as Yuki turned her head towards Ryoko, the latter realized that Yuki's face was wet under the eyes. "The literature club hasn't been cut, has it?" she asked.

"Not exactly," replied Yuki.

Yuki explained, haltingly, that the literature club's previous members had all graduated. The school was going to cut the club, but having some interest from a freshman member had staid the decision. At the very least, they figured, the literature club could keep the room.

"So there's still hope. And if you find some new members, I'm sure the student council will make the club permanent. Plus, as the only member right now, that makes you the de facto president of the club."

"But I can't recruit anyone," replied Nagato sadly.

Unfortunately, Miss Asakura had to admit, she couldn't imagine the quiet, demure Yuki Nagato competing with the more assertive club representatives that would be trying to recruit freshmen. Still, Miss Asakura hoped that there might be at least a few freshmen with an interest in joining the club. She could hope, anyway. Still, it felt terrible to see Yuki so dejected. Ryoko knew it had probably taken all the courage Yuki could summon up to attempt to join the literature club, and to have this be the result must be a terrible letdown.

Walking over to Yuki's chair, Ryoko bent down and hugged her softly. She reflected that this was something she had wanted to do since first met her, but was sad to notice how tense the smaller girl's body felt. She said quietly, "If you need help finding new members, just ask me, Miss Nagato. You know I'm always here for you." And Yuki seemed to relax slightly in her arms. As she drew away, Ryoko saw that Yuki was smiling again, just a little bit. And then she said, quietly, "Thank you, Miss Asakura. I'm lucky to have you as a friend."

/

Unfortunately, that hopeful moment in the clubroom didn't translate into actual success in finding new members for the club. And Ryoko Asakura found the next few weeks surprisingly busy. Schoolwork piled up quickly, and she found that her classmates practically insisted on electing her class representative. She accepted, since it might give her the ability to keep the student council from cutting the literature club. But it was all she could to stay abreast of her duties as a class rep and her schoolwork. Of course, she tried to direct a few people to the literature club. The boy who sat in front of her, the one whose nickname, "Kyon", had become the only way that his classmates addressed him, seemed uninterested in any other clubs, so Ryoko suggested that he try the literature club.

"Nah, I'm not really the literary type," he said, sounding bored.

What "type" are you then? Wondered Asakura. Do you have any interests at all? She found his apathetic attitude rather frustrating, but maintained her friendly demeanor nonetheless. It wouldn't help her (or Yuki's) cause if she was impolite to her classmates.

And as the months passed, Ryoko guiltily gave up on recruiting new members for the literature club. She did see to it that the student council didn't evict the club from its room, but not much more. The few times she had visited, Ryoko had seen Yuki just sitting, reading quietly. She supposed that, in a way, that was all Yuki really wanted, a silent place to read. Still, it seemed like a very sad, lonely existence, and she secretly wished her friend would perhaps think of joining another club. But Ryoko couldn't really think of another club that might suit her friend's interests.

Yuki, at least, didn't seem to resent for her broken promise, for which Ryoko was grateful. And even as the weeks slipped by without any success in promoting the literature club, Ryoko and Yuki became closer.


	3. Chapter 3

One day, shortly before the summer break was to start, Ryoko visited the literature clubroom to see how Miss Nagato was doing. But she found the sole member of the club unaccountably absent. The computer was on however, and upon looking at the screen Ryoko saw that a file was open. Was this something that Miss Nagato was writing for the literature club, she thought? A novel, perhaps?

Although it felt a bit wrong to read something without knowing whether Miss Nagato wanted it read, Ryoko couldn't help herself in this case.

And she found that it seemed to be a diary of sorts. One entry read:

_I saw the boy from the library today. The one who helped me make a library card. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I was so surprised to see him here, at school, that I almost dropped my books. I wondered if I should walk up and thank him for his help. He was so kind, and I didn't thank him at the time. But I'm afraid. Would he even remember me? I don't even know his full name. His classmates call him "Kyon", but it's obvious that it's not his real name-_

Asakura stopped reading right there. Yuki was apparently obsessed with, of all people, Kyon? That uninteresting person? _I haven't been able to stop thinking about him._ Why did she feel jealous, rereading that line? She should be happy, she supposed, that Yuki was interested in a boy, especially if that boy returned her interest, but why him? All this over a library card?

What about all the care Ryoko had shown for Miss Nagato? Didn't that count more than this one thing that Kyon did in a rare, non-apathetic moment?

And then she tried to stop the train of her own thoughts, as she hastily left the room, lest Miss Nagato return and see that her private thoughts were being violated by someone she trusted as a friend.

_A friend, and nothing more, right?_ Said a small voice in Ryoko's mind. What are you implying?

_Even though you won't admit it, you want Yuki to see you as more than a friend. You want her to feel the way about you that she feels about this boy. And you want him out of the picture, don't you?_

No! No, of course not. If Yuki likes him, I just want her to be happy. I could never bring myself to cause her distress. I'm only concerned because she might be giving her love to the wrong person, when there were better people around-

_Like you?_

No, stop that! I'm not like that at all, and even if I were, Yuki's not the same way. It would be unreasonable to expect her to return that feeling. If I had that feeling about her at all, which I don't! My feelings for her are completely protective, maternal at most. I would never think of her in that other way. She's too pure to feature in my thoughts in the way you're suggesting.

Oh, gods, was she going crazy? All of this because she read a diary entry. She wished she hadn't let her curiosity get the best of her. She ignored the salutations of some people from her class as she exited the school gates. Walking home, she was filled with inner turmoil.

Locking herself in her apartment, she went to the kitchen and pulled one of the larger knives from its holder.

_What are you planning on doing? Killing yourself, out of jealousy?_ No, I'm not jealous! _Oh, really, you could have fooled me. But what will it accomplish if you kill yourself? You won't have what you want, and what would happen to Miss Nagato without you around?_

Suddenly the voice in her mind was the voice of reason? Ryoko was surprised with herself. Really, what had she planned on doing? So Yuki might have a crush on a boy Ryoko didn't completely approve of. Big deal. Yuki was human, right? Ryoko could hardly expect her not to act like one. And if that made Yuki happy, then Ryoko would be happy for her.

_Of course,_ the voice continued, _you could still use that knife to get the boy out of the way. I'm sure he wouldn't even see it coming-_

No! How could she think such terrible thoughts? Go away, she firmly ordered the voice. Even if she was a little jealous, she wasn't going to allow herself to turn into a yandere character over it. Maybe I should see about introducing the two of them, in fact, since Miss Nagato's so shy, and I sort of know Kyon already? Thought Asakura. No, she decided, this at least was something that Miss Nagato would have to do on her own, if that was what she really wanted. Ryoko wouldn't interfere if Miss Nagato wanted to be with this boy, but she couldn't bring herself to actually help it happen.

And she felt just slightly guilty for taking comfort in the fact that Yuki would always be too shy to approach Kyon herself.

/

Over the summer break, Ryoko took it upon herself to see that Miss Nagato did her homework early in the break. She had learned that Miss Nagato was very intelligent, but tended to put off schoolwork, preferring to read. Thus, during the first week, she went specifically to Miss Nagato's apartment to prod her into doing her schoolwork. Ryoko also decided to do her own work there.

She found that when Nagato got going on her work, she worked much more quickly and easily than Ryoko did. In fact, she was even able to help Ryoko with several math problems that had stumped her. Miss Nagato, Ryoko noted, seemed genuinely happy to be able to help her friend with something important. Yuki had expressed a few times that she felt bad about Asakura spending so much time taking care of her, and Ryoko, being the independent type herself, was able to understand that. And explaining why she was perfectly happy to dote on her friend, Ryoko knew, might strike Miss Nagato as unusual, perhaps even somewhat disturbing. So she was glad to have inadvertently given her friend this opportunity to help her.

Ryoko was also surprised to learn that her friend was fully fluent in English. Ryoko had always felt a little inadequate in this subject, because while still did quite well in it, compared to her classmates, it was her relatively weak spot in academics. And her parents, who were both translators, seemed disappointed that their daughter hadn't inherited their apparent gift languages.

She found that Miss Nagato was better at explaining the grammatical concepts than the instructor for the English class, and Ryoko finished her English summer homework in half the time she had expected it to take.

After they finished their schoolwork, Ryoko had originally planned to get Miss Nagato out for some summer activities. It didn't seem right to spend the whole summer break just cooped in her apartment, reading books. Unexpectedly, however, her parents wanted to bring her to Canada to stay with them for a few weeks. Ryoko could hardly refuse, since she hadn't seen them since last December. So she ended up spending the middle of her summer break in Canada, and only returned two weeks before school was to start back.

Still, she and Yuki did get a chance to attend a festival. But Yuki seemed preoccupied the whole time, as if something was bothering her.

And the next day, when Ryoko visited, Yuki had a slight but persistent cough.

When Ryoko asked her about the cough, Miss Nagato only responded, "I'm fine." Still, Asakura advised her to drink plenty of water and to get some rest. In addition, when Ryoko stopped by the corner market that afternoon, she made it a point to buy a 2-liter container of orange juice, which she brought up to Yuki afterwards. The latter, who was now dressed in pajamas, apparently for a nap, nodded and thanked Asakura.

The next day, however, Ryoko was struck by the realization that Miss Nagato didn't have a proper bed to sleep in. She just just slept on a foam mat with a sheet over it. Ryoko silently chastised herself for not thinking of this earlier, and when she arrived at Miss Nagato's apartment, she was struck with guilt when the girl who answered the door had visible bags under her eyes, indicating that she hadn't slept particularly well.

"Miss Nagato," said Asakura, "I have a bed in my apartment, if you would prefer to sleep there." Yuki looked just slightly surprised, and Ryoko quickly added, "Of course, I can sleep on the couch for the time being. It's just as comfortable, really."

Ryoko had to encourage Yuki to accept her offer, but the pale, tired girl eventually agreed, seeming happy for the chance to sleep in a proper bed. Asakura reflected that Yuki's lack of a bed was something she should try to remedy soon, preferably before started back, if she had the time.

As Ryoko noticed a thick library book among the belongings that Yuki brought with her, she was struck by a small pang of jealousy, that she wasn't the one who had helped her get it. She really should have known, she thought, to help with that, given that she knew how much Yuki liked to read. Still, there was no point in getting bent out of shape over it now, was there?

As soon as they got to Ryoko's apartment, Ryoko guided Miss Nagato to the bed, and after laying her down returned to the door to get her belongings and put them away. As she brought Yuki's book from the library to her bed, she saw that the smaller girl had already fallen asleep.

Placing her hand on Yuki's forehead, Asakura noted that she was a little warm. If the fever rose any more, she'd wake her friend up and have her take some acetaminophen tablets to get the fever down. But for now, she would let her sleep, and went to make dinner.

She woke Yuki up an hour later to eat, and watched as she slowly ate a bowl of vegetable soup. "It's very good," Nagato said, without even needing to be prompted. Ryoko couldn't explain why those words made her so happy, but after Miss Nagato finished and laid back down to sleep some more, Ryoko felt as if she were glowing inside.

/

It was on the third day of Yuki's illness that Ryoko became worried about her friend's condition. The fever had gotten worse, and Yuki had a severe cough as well. At first, Ryoko had thought this was just a common cold, but now she feared that it might be something worse. Although she hated to disturb her friend as she slept, she needed to take her to a clinic. Although it might still turn out to be a common cold, if it was something else, and it got worse for lack of treatment, Ryoko could never forgive herself.

Obviously, walking to the clinic right now was out of the question, so Ryoko called a cab, and used the time before its arrival to get Miss Nagato out of bed and dressed to go. Miss Asakura felt a little bad for invading Yuki's privacy, as she helped her to undress and get into fresh clothes, but Miss Nagato seemed so exhausted that without someone to help her, she wouldn't be able to muster the strength to change.

It hurt Ryoko to see how miserable Yuki looked as she shuffled out the door of the apartment. She truly wished that Yuki could simply stay in bed, but her long-term health came first. If this was something serious, she needed to be treated right away.

Yuki looked slightly surprised when she saw the taxi waiting. Did she really think her friend would make her walk to the clinic in her condition? As they got in, Ryoko helped Yuki ease her way into the seat, her hand just briefly touching the latter's waist. Ryoko couldn't help but feel some guilty pleasure at that, even as she considered the situation.

When they arrived at the clinic, they were told there would be at least an hour wait. Yuki looked despairingly at the people ahead of them, and gave Ryoko a look that implored her to take her back home, to let her sleep. But Ryoko led Nagato over to two armless chairs that were side by side, and sat Nagato down beside her. She let Yuki rest her head against her, and soon the sick girl fell asleep. Asakura gently lowered her friend's head to her lap, letting her lay down more completely. She knew that a few people in the waiting room were staring, but found that she didn't care much.

Eventually, they were called back. Ryoko gently woke Yuki up, and helped her get to her feet. Yuki seemed a little sheepish at finding her head resting in her friend's lap, but Ryoko's smile seemed to calm any worries she had. As they went back together, Ryoko held her friend's hand in a reassuringly firm grip.

Yuki went alone into the examination room, while Ryoko waited just outside. The nurse who had brought them back spoke up:

"Is she a relative of yours?"

"No," Asakura replied.

"Really?"

"Just a friend of mine."

"She's very lucky, to have such a devoted friend."

Ryoko said nothing in response. She couldn't imagine any other way for her to be, other than devoted to Yuki Nagato.

After examining Yuki for half an hour, taking her vitals and checking for signs of bacterial infection, the doctor pronounced that it was in fact just a common cold, or some other virus, of a particularly nasty variety, and all they could really do was wait it out and make sure Yuki's fever didn't become too severe. The doctor prescribed a stronger fever reducer, and some medicine to help Yuki sleep.

As they returned to her apartment, Ryoko couldn't help but feel that she had wasted her time, and worse, she had disturbed Yuki for it. She silently berated herself for depriving her friend of the rest she needed as she helped her change back into pajamas. Still, she insisted on Yuki taking the fever reducer (given how easily Miss Nagato was going to sleep anyway, Ryoko didn't see any reason to make her take the other drugs), and gently laid her back down on the bed.

"I'm sorry for getting you out for that, since there wasn't much they could do. Can you forgive me, Miss Nagato?" she asked, genuinely contrite.

"Don't worry…" replied Nagato softly, as she closed her eyes. Seeing that her friend had fallen asleep, Asakura knew she would have to be satisfied with that answer.

/

That night, Ryoko was woken up by the sound of soft moans coming from the bedroom. This sound caused her to snap to full awareness far more effectively than the loudest alarm clock. How long had Yuki been like this? As she rushed into the bedroom, she found herself stumbling over furniture, as she frantically made her way to the bed.

"Miss Nagato, what's the matter?" she asked frantically as she knelt beside the bed.

She wasn't rewarded with a coherent answer:

"Please…just make it stop…stop repeating, so tired, please…"

She realized that Miss Nagato was crying out in her sleep, and even now wasn't fully conscious. Putting her hand against Yuki's forehead, Ryoko realized that she was burning up. She quickly made her way to the kitchen, grabbing a cloth from one of the cabinets and soaking it in cold water. Wringing it out, she brought the damp cloth back into Yuki's room, walking towards the sound of her friend crying out against the nameless things called up by her sleeping mind. Sitting on the side of the bed, Ryoko placed the damp cloth on Yuki's forehead, letting the cloth absorb the heat from her friend's skin.

This seemed to calm Yuki down a little, and her moans subsided to a soft whimper. Ryoko wanted nothing more than to wake Miss Nagato up and dispel the terrors in her mind, but she knew that waking her up from whatever bad dream she was having would only take away necessary sleep. But she couldn't bring herself to do nothing. As her left hand held the cold cloth in place, Ryoko's right hand gently caressed Yuki's face. Maybe, in whatever recesses of unconsciousness she was in right now, Miss Nagato could feel the comforting gesture, and would know that everything would be all right. And as the feverish girl quieted down, Ryoko hoped that maybe she had helped with that.

Once she had satisfied herself that Yuki was all right, Asakura gave in to her exhaustion. Stumbling back to her couch, she collapsed into it and fell almost immediately into a dreamless sleep that lasted the rest of the night.

/

Yuki's fever was a bit lower the next day, but her condition was otherwise unchanged. After eating a little at breakfast, she collapsed back onto the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

It seemed to Ryoko, looking at Yuki's sleeping figure, that she had become smaller in the last few days. Of course, she knew this wasn't the case, but it was the impression in her mind's eye. This small, vulnerable girl seemed even more so in her illness. Stroking Yuki's matted hair, Ryoko wished that she could simply hold her friend tightly in her arms, hugging her until her illness went away.

However, upon drawing closer, she noticed, frankly, that Miss Nagato's smell at the moment was not very pleasant. Of course, she hadn't been able to bathe for several days, and she had been sweating profusely much of the time, so this wasn't surprising. Asakura decided that she would need to make sure Miss Nagato took a bath when she awoke. It couldn't be pleasant, to sit in one's own sweat for several days. Asakura dug out a pair of her older pajamas that might fit Yuki, since she figured that Yuki's pajamas probably would need to be washed.

She checked on Miss Nagato periodically for the next two hours, while doing a little housecleaning. Between her trip to see her parents, and Miss Nagato falling ill, Asakura had let her apartment fall into a state of disarray, and she felt it necessary to clean up.

When Yuki awoke, Ryoko mentioned the bath idea (politely leaving out mention of the smell she had noticed). Nagato gave a slight nod of assent, and Ryoko began to draw a warm bath. As the water filled the tub, Ryoko gradually coaxed her friend out of bed, and led her to the bathroom. Ryoko told Yuki to adjust the hot or cold water, depending on how she preferred the temperature, to get in when the temperature seemed right, and to tell her when it was all right to come into the bathroom. Yuki appeared just slightly uncomfortable at the thought of Asakura seeing her in that state, but Asakura wanted to make sure that Yuki was washed thoroughly.

She left the bathroom, giving Yuki as much privacy as could be afforded, and came back in when Nagato said, "Okay."

Asakura helped Nagato to bathe thoroughly, feeling as she washed away the several days' worth of sweat that she was also helping to wash away the sickness that had dogged Miss Nagato during that time.

As Yuki stood up to get out of the tub, Ryoko placed a large bath towel around her shoulders, to allow her an amount of modesty as she stepped out of the tub, with Ryoko steadying her so she didn't lose her balance. Ryoko offered Yuki the pajamas she had found in the morning, and Yuki accepted gratefully. The pajamas were still a little large on her slight frame, but not too large.

After she gently lowered Yuki's head to the pillow, and began to stand up, Asakura noticed a slight tug on her sleeve, and looking down realized that Yuki was gripping it with her pale, delicate fingers. But disturbingly, there were visible tears in her large, dark eyes. Kneeling beside Yuki's bed, Ryoko asked, worriedly, "Miss Nagato, is there something wrong?"

"No," Yuki whispered, "it's just…I don't deserve for you to be so kind to me. You've t-taken care of me all week. And I haven't d-done anything for you."

"Miss Nagato, I'll be happy to take care of you as long as you need me. Because I-I think of you as a very good friend." Ryoko realized with a start that she had almost said something else which would have been a little bit improper. Really, she couldn't let her emotions get too much of a hold on her. She wouldn't want Yuki to get the wrong idea about her, and be afraid of her after recovering from her illness.

"Miss Asakura," Yuki asked softly, "could you please talk to me?"

"About what?" Ryoko asked, perplexed.

"Anything," her friend replied, "I don't want to fall back asleep yet. I don't want the dream to come back."

"Miss Nagato, what happens in this dream?" Ryoko asked, suspecting that this dream, whatever it was, was the same one that had troubled Yuki the night before.

"Something terrible is happening," Yuki replied, pausing slightly, "and-and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It just keeps happening, over and over, forever. That's what it feels like, in the dream. I'm sorry, I shouldn't worry you…" Yuki trailed off into silence.

Ryoko's heart almost broke. Yuki was miserable enough when she was awake, because of her sickness, and to add to it, her sleep was being interrupted by this dream which was troubling her so much. If there was a deity out there, how cruel would it have to be to subject such an innocent person to so much pain? She couldn't resist the impulse to reach out to Yuki, gently stroking her face with her hand as she had the night before, as she comforted her feverish, nightmare-ridden friend. Yuki at first looked a bit surprised, but to Ryoko's relief she did not seem repelled or put off by the gesture. Instead, she simply closed her eyes, a look of quiet contentment on her face, as if she were a child being comforted by her mother.

"Don't worry, Yuki. I'll talk to you as long as you like. Just tell me if I'm boring you." Ryoko was a little bit surprised at her own boldness, but her worries were quieted when Yuki replied, "Thank you…Ryoko."

Ryoko talked about many things. About her parents' work at the embassy, about what Canada was like, the place where she had gone to middle school, and what she and Yuki would do when school started back.

At length, Ryoko saw that Yuki had fallen asleep, that look of quiet contentment, so rarely seen on her features as to be more valuable, in Asakura's mind, than the rarest gem, still on her face. As she stood to leave, Ryoko bent to kiss her friend softly on the forehead.

Still, as she left the room, Ryoko knew, inside, that it wouldn't be like this forever. While Yuki, needing someone to comfort her, had opened up a little in her illness, Ryoko knew that her chronically shy friend would be back to her silent, withdrawn self after she recovered. If only she could remain…NO! How could she want that? Ryoko thought to herself. She couldn't possibly want that.

_Oh, really?_ There was that annoying voice in her mind again. _Are you sure you don't want her to stay sick, so you can keep her as your cute little pet? So that she'll smile when you touch her, rather than being uncomfortable? So that she'll let you bathe her…_

SHUT UP!

Ryoko worried that she might have said that last thing out loud, but eventually convinced herself that her exclamation had only been in her own head. What was wrong with her? She wanted Yuki to recover, because Yuki would be happier when she did. That was all Ryoko wanted. She couldn't think of her friend as an object for her amusement or pleasure. What sick part of her own mind would even have a hint of such feelings?

Still, she couldn't help being troubled, as she prepared dinner, and for the first time in months, the kitchen knife looked disturbingly inviting.

/

After a week, and another visit to the clinic at Asakura's worried insistence, Yuki mysteriously recovered, almost overnight, just in time for school. Ryoko was relieved to see this. She would have hated for Yuki to miss school on account of her illness, and she couldn't bear the thought of leaving her alone and sick. She was glad for her foresight in having Yuki do her homework early in the vacation, otherwise Yuki would be in some trouble now.

Ryoko was a little disturbed by the recurrence of her melancholy that one evening a week before, when she had worried about what she felt towards Yuki. She decided, of course, that any strange feelings she was having must simply be the result of exhaustion and worry. Whatever assurances the doctors gave, Ryoko couldn't help but worry about her friend. All that pent-up worry must have manifested in a strange way. Nervous tension. That was all.

Ryoko couldn't help but notice that Yuki had taken to occasionally following Kyon, looking at him from afar like some fairy-tale character. On the one hand, Ryoko wanted to encourage her friend, if she was so obsessed with this boy, to just tell him how she felt. On the other…what? She wasn't jealous. She had already convinced herself of that. It was just that she didn't approve of Kyon. That was the only reason. A cute (no, beautiful) girl like Yuki could find someone better than that slacker. It was sad that Yuki had apparently been so unaccustomed to others being kind to her that she had become obsessed with the first boy who did her even a small favor. If Yuki really couldn't be dissuaded from pursuing Kyon, that was one thing, but Asakura wasn't about to encourage this unhealthy obsession.

At least, that's what she told herself. But she had to admit, even to herself, that her own obsession with Yuki's obsession was itself unhealthy. After all, why else would she have stolen into the literature clubroom, after hours, to see what files Yuki might have on the computer about the mysterious boy from the library. Why else would she save them all to USB drive and view them, reading in horrified fascination on her home computer through Yuki's fantasies about the boy joining the literature club and confessing his love to her (Bah! He didn't even know she existed!). If Yuki's obsession was unhealthy, Ryoko thought, her own was doubly so. But she couldn't help it.

As the autumn months passed, though, Ryoko became less bothered by the whole thing. After all, nothing would ever happen between Yuki and Kyon. She knew that for a fact. As long as Yuki was painfully shy, and Kyon was a slacker who couldn't see what was right in front of his own nose, she had nothing to worry about. Of course, she felt a little guilty that she was taking pleasure from something that would cause Yuki distress, so she assuaged her guilt by trying to find some other boy to set Yuki up with.

She briefly considered Kunikida as a possible prospect. He was relatively quiet and studious, so his personality would fit well with Yuki's personality, and he seemed like a respectable and serious person. But ultimately, Ryoko rejected Kunikida as a possibility, since he seemed to be friends with Kyon, and Yuki spending time with him might lead dangerously close to spending time with Kyon. Not to mention, Kunikida hung around with that wannabe Casanova, Taniguchi, and Ryoko would never let _that _character anywhere near her friend.

She tried to check in on Yuki's class to see if there were any boys there who might be worth Yuki's attention. Honestly, Ryoko thought, how could it be that Yuki wasn't surrounded by boys confessing their love to her? It seemed to Asakura that, if that second-year, Mikuru Asahina, should have her own dedicated fan club of male admirers, surely Yuki should have at least as dedicated a following. Ryoko thought, quite often, that boys made no sense at all.

Ryoko got a little discouraged as the end of fall term approached, and winter break loomed. Still, if Ryoko could find a nice boy for Yuki, she could encourage their relationship (under her watchful eyes, of course), over the coming break. But honestly, she was seriously doubting that she could achieve this, with finals approaching and demanding her time. And when she caught the virus that was going around the school, Ryoko seriously doubted that she would have time for anything other than cramming when she recovered.

And on December 18th, something happened to throw everything into disarray. There was nothing funny about what happened that day, when she finally returned to school after her illness.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hi everyone," Ryoko cheerfully announced as she entered the classroom. Several of her classmates turned to greet their representative, who had been absent for several days. Ryoko explained that she was feeling better now, and had gotten bored just staying at home. As she walked to her desk to deposit her books, Ryoko noticed that Kyon was staring at her as if he was seeing an alien.

Why did that bring up an odd feeling of déjà vu on her part? Ryoko wondered. She shook off the odd apprehension. Still, she couldn't quite figure out what was wrong with Kyon that was causing him to give her such a strange look. Did she have something on her face?

"Sorry, I'll clean this up," said Kunikida, who was currently sitting at Ryoko's desk. "That's all right," she replied, "I'm just dropping off my bag." She planned to check up on Yuki. "Oh, thank you," said Kunikida. Ryoko barely heard what he was saying. She was more interested in the look of contorted terror on Kyon's face. Honestly, what was wrong with him?

As she walked away, she heard Kyon exclaim, "Hey!" Turning around, puzzled, she asked, "What is it?"

"You're not supposed to be here!" Kyon said sharply.

"What are you talking about?" Asakura responded, "Is it a problem that I came to class today? I'm not contagious, if that's what you're worried about." Honestly, she never thought that an unmotivated slob like Kyon would be germophobic.

But to Ryoko's surprise Kyon answered, "I don't care about your damn cold! That isn't what I'm talking about." Kunikida cut in, "Kyon, is there something wrong with you? You're acting very weird." My thoughts exactly, thought Ryoko. Kyon, apparently unfazed, replied, "Don't you think it's a little odd that's she's standing there?"

Was this some kind of bad prank on Kyon's part? He seemed to think that he hadn't seen her in months, and yet she had only been absent a few days. Did Kyon really have such a poor memory, that he forgot a classmate after a few days? Or was he just oblivious to everyone and everything around him?

"You know who she is, and that she shouldn't be here!" Kyon continued, sounding angry.

"She's only been gone for a day or two," Kunikida said, "It's rude of you to forget a classmate that quickly."

Ryoko really wasn't sure what was wrong with him. Kyon sounded sincere enough, and unless he was a complete idiot, he'd know that if this was a prank it would reflect badly on him. So Ryoko tried a potential explanation, hoping to calm him down: "I think I know! You must have dozed off while eating lunch and had a bad dream. Why don't you go wash your face? Here, I'll even let you borrow my handkerchief," she said, moving to pull her still clean handkerchief from her pocket.

But this produced only a more negative response. "No!" Kyon yelled, "I don't know what you're up to, but I'll find out! Why did you hang your bag on Haruhi's chair? This has never been your seat, admit it!"

Haruhi? Who was Haruhi? And yet, there was the feeling of déjà vu again.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone by that name," replied Ryoko.

Kyon just looked dumbfounded.

"Well, do you?" asked Asakura to Kunikida.

"No, I've never heard of her," replied Kunikida.

Kyon appeared shocked, and started muttering, "How can you not remember her? How could anyone forget Haruhi Suzumiya?" Ryoko wondered why she felt, vaguely, that she should remember someone named Haruhi. But why was Kyon so worked up about this? And why did he think that this Haruhi person should be in the seat behind him?

Ryoko wanted to dispel Kyon's apparent illusion about their imaginary classmate once and for all. So she asked, "Kunikida, could you please get the class roster from my desk?"

As Kunikida drew the class roster from Asakura's desk, Kyon grabbed it violently, opened it, and looked at it intently. Ryoko wondered what was so important about this Haruhi that Kyon was acting so strangely over her. Did he have a crush on her, whoever she was? Why did he seem to think that she should be in their class? This day was just getting stranger and stranger.

After staring at the roster for a few seconds, Kyon said, "Kunikida, please pinch me on the cheek. I want to wake up." Was he really going to take the joke, or delusion, that far? Ryoko thought to herself.

"Seriously?" asked Kunikida.

"Yes, hurry!" said Kyon frantically.

Looking resigned, Kunikida pinched Kyon's cheek, prompting an "Ow!" from Kyon.

Looking at the class roster again, Kyon was apparently unsatisfied, as he dropped it, and began running around the class making inquiries about this "Haruhi" person he was so obsessed with. Everyone else seemed as bemused as Ryoko, and a few became visibly annoyed with Kyon. Ryoko was a little concerned that there might be something seriously wrong with her classmate. Laying her hand on Kyon's shoulder, Ryoko said, "I can take you to see the nurse. You might have a fever or something." Honestly, though, she thought that was the least of Kyon's problems, if he was serious in his delusions. Kyon's only response, though, was to bolt madly from the room.

For a few seconds, Ryoko was at a complete loss as to what she should do. Should she try to chase Kyon down? What good would that do? While there was obviously something wrong with him, he could probably still overpower her if she caught up to him. Should she inform a teacher? Then again, if Kyon kept acting as strange as he just had, someone else was bound to notice and report it. And for some reason, Ryoko felt a compelling urge to go check on Yuki, as if these strange happenings might somehow impact her. The thought of this apparently psychotic individual harming Yuki in any way was more than Ryoko could bear, and that was the only thought in her mind as her feet bore her swiftly out the door and towards the cultural building.

As it turned out, she arrived just as Yuki was leaving the room. Yuki appeared preoccupied, but seemed otherwise normal. Yuki hadn't noticed her presence yet, and Ryoko decided not to trouble her. After all, it wasn't like Kyon would go looking for her specifically, would he? He probably didn't even know who she was. She banished the plainly irrational fear that Kyon would have anything to do with Yuki from her mind.

When Ryoko arrived back at her classroom, she noticed that Kyon was back in his seat, apparently calm, but looking dejected. And he remained that way for the rest of the classes for the day. What was the matter with him? Ryoko thought he really should be sent home, or to the hospital, given how strangely he was acting. If he had a fever, it should probably be treated right away. But she couldn't bring herself to care much either way about him.

After school, Ryoko had cleanup duty, and duties as class representative. It hadn't taken long for a backlog to develop in her workload, and she spent a busy afternoon catching up on everything that had piled up while she was sick. Still, she made good progress, and when she got home at 8pm, she was satisfied despite her exhaustion. But she couldn't shake her apprehension that Kyon's strange behavior that day might portend some terrible happenings. She felt a little guilty for not checking on Yuki, but for once she was so tired when she got home that she simply collapsed into bed and fell asleep.

/

Ryoko woke up the next morning, feeling refreshed by her night's sleep. Everything would be fine, she assured herself. As she pressed down the button for the elevator, she decided that she should make dinner this evening and visit Yuki. When the elevator doors opened, however, Ryoko was surprised to see Yuki there, leaving her apartment surprisingly early. Yuki nodded slightly at Ryoko as the latter entered the elevator, and said that she was glad Ryoko was feeling better.

Ryoko couldn't help but notice that Yuki seemed to be slightly uncomfortable, which bothered her. What did Yuki have to be uncomfortable about, after all? The thought of Kyon's strange behavior yesterday kept surfacing in Ryoko's mind for some reason, as if the two were connected. She was about to ask Yuki if anything had happened yesterday when Yuki surprised her by asking, "Miss Asakura, um, did anything…strange happen to you, yesterday?"

Oh, so maybe that was why Miss Nagato looked worried. Rumors of Kyon's bizarre outburst must have circulated throughout the school, and Miss Nagato was obviously concerned about her. Ryoko was touched, but of course, she thought, she could take care of herself. It was her place to be afraid for Yuki, not the other way around.

"Well, now that you ask, Miss Nagato, something rather strange did happen yesterday. One of my classmates, the one who sits in front of me in class, acted very odd. He apparently thought I wasn't supposed to be there, and seemed to be terrified of me, if you can believe it!"

Yuki looked deeply concerned, pulling at Ryoko's heartstrings. Really, she didn't want Yuki to be so worried by this.

"Don't worry though, Miss Nagato, nothing too dangerous happened. I just hope he goes to a doctor. After all, as his class representative, it's my job to be concerned about the people in my class."

Still, as they spoke on their way to school, Ryoko sensed that Yuki still looked very preoccupied, as if something was bothering her terribly. And then, of course, it hit Ryoko why Yuki should be so bothered by this news. If she knew the identity of the student who had acted so strangely, it would bother her terribly, since she seemed to have a crush on him. But Ryoko couldn't think of any good way to approach the topic with her, especially if it turned out that Yuki didn't know who the student was who had gone crazy, and Ryoko inadvertently spilled the beans. So she remained silent, and simply observed her friend.

When they parted to go to their respective classes, Ryoko wanted to grab Yuki, to hug her and tell her that everything would be all right, that she would always be there for her. But she knew that such a display would only disturb her friend, and so she merely said a polite good-bye and proceeded to her class.

Since she was still a little behind on her work, Ryoko decided to take the time before class to get some of it done. Ten minutes before first period, she saw out of the corner of her eye that Kyon was walking to his desk.

"Good morning," she said, not really meaning it, "I hope you're feeling better today. No bad dreams, I suppose?"

"Asakura," Kyon replied, turning towards her, "You're just pretending to not know what's going on, aren't you?" What kind of rude greeting was that?

"Be honest," Kyon continued, "Hasn't the thought of killing me ever even crossed your mind?" Actually, it had, but she had never seriously considered it. That was a dark place in her mind, somewhere she didn't want to go. And wasn't it normal, from time to time, for ordinary people to have dark thoughts? The important thing was that she had never seriously tried to act on them.

But she didn't say that to Kyon. Obviously, he must be delusional, or delirious from fever. Looking concerned, Ryoko just replied, "I think you should go to the hospital. Before it's too late."

He at least didn't start yelling again, but it was such a bizarre question to ask, and he seemed to think it was something perfectly reasonable to say. Ryoko really couldn't fathom what was wrong with him. Still, the rest of the morning passed without incident, and Ryoko gradually pushed the odd question from her mind.

When the lunch bell rang, Ryoko picked up her bag and headed for the literature clubroom. She didn't particularly feel like spending her time around Kyon, and she wanted to make sure that Yuki had lunch. But as she walked down the hallway from class I-5, she was suddenly accosted by a tall girl with dark-green hair. "Are you Miss Asakura, nyoron?" asked the girl, her odd verbal tic punctuating the question. Ryoko had met her before. What was her name? Ah, yes, Tsuruya. But she was a second year. What did she want with Ryoko?

"I am," Ryoko replied.

"Are you the representative for class I-5?"

"Yes."

"Well, I have a bone to pick with you about one of the male students in your class. At least, I think he's in your class, because I just saw him go into the room this morning. He has somewhat disheveled brown hair, and a bored look about him. But I've got a complaint with him, because he assaulted my little Mikuru!"

"What?" Ryoko replied dumbly.

"This creep ran up to Mikuru in the hallway, grabbed her by the arm, and started yelling at her crazily, about her being from the future or something, and about someone named Haruhi."

Ah, suddenly Ryoko had a good idea of who Miss Tsuruya was complaining about.

Tsuruya continued, "And then then he asked her to show him her breast. The nerve! I want you to keep the freshmen in your class under control. Otherwise I'll complain to the school authorities. Or worse."

Honestly, what did Miss Tsuruya expect her to do? She was a class representative, not a dictator. And what was this girl's fixation on Mikuru Asahina, anyway? If Ryoko didn't know any better she would almost think…no, that couldn't be.

She good-naturedly replied, "I will do everything in my power to see that it doesn't happen again, Miss Tsuruya." There wasn't really anything more she could promise, she thought, as Tsuruya harrumphed loudly while walking off.

As she made her way to the literature clubroom, she was abruptly stopped again, this time by a short, busty girl with reddish-brown hair.

"U-um, e-excuse me, but are you the representative for class I-5?"

"Yes," Asakura replied, a little exasperated. It seemed that she was awfully popular today. Did this also have something to do with Kyon?

"Well, um, I know that Miss Tsuruya wanted to find you and talk to you about something that happened yesterday-"

"She's already spoken to me about it," replied Ryoko, her annoyance beginning to show past her normally cheerful demeanor. The acquaintance of Tsuruya seemed to quail slightly, but continued:

"Well, uh, I just wanted to say that, um, the boy who it happened with, please don't be too harsh on him. He sounded like he was really afraid, or panicking. I think there's something wrong with him, and I feel a little sorry about punching him. But you should see to it that he gets some help. If it's, um, not too much trouble, that is."

Ryoko tried to assure the girl (who she assumed must be Mikuru, the girl that Tsuruya was talking about) that she would do what she could, and put up with her blathering. Secretly though, she felt like checking her watch to see what the time was. This girl was taking up valuable time that Ryoko could be spending with Yuki. This was all Kyon's fault! Ever since he started spouting nonsense yesterday, he had managed to cause her a great deal of inconvenience.

Maybe killing him isn't such a bad idea-

Shut up! Ryoko retorted mentally.

Finally, Mikuru Asahina let her go, and Ryoko continued on her way to the literature clubroom, only to find that the time was too late. Annoyed, she returned to her classroom. She stared daggers at Kyon for the rest of the afternoon classes.


	5. Chapter 5

After finishing her schoolwork, Ryoko returned to her apartment. She decided that she would bring dinner to Yuki this evening. She hadn't had much chance to spend time with her, and she doubted that Yuki had been eating right for the past few days. She found the recipe for the dish she wanted to prepare, bought ingredients to double the recipe size, and went to work.

An hour and a half later, dinner was complete. It smelled delicious, Ryoko thought, proud of the fruits of her labor. She figured that Yuki would be home from school by now. She usually read in the literature clubroom for a few hours, and returned to her apartment before nightfall. Given that it was already quite dark outside, Ryoko assumed that Yuki must have returned by now.

After ascending to the fifth floor with the pot in hand, Ryoko pressed the button to call Yuki's apartment. After a few seconds, Yuki answered hesitantly, "Yes?"

"Hi, Miss Nagato. Would you like dinner?"

"Uh, now's little-" Yuki replied nervously. A little what? What was wrong? Ryoko thought wildly.

"I insist," she said firmly.

"Oh, okay," Yuki said, acquiescing.

As Yuki opened the door to her, Ryoko greeted her friend warmly. She would feel much happier after sharing a meal alone with her best friend, she was certain.

But the nervous look on Yuki's face as she led Ryoko to the main room bothered her. And when she saw the visitor sitting at the kotatsu, it was all Ryoko could do to hide her displeasure.

"Oh my, I didn't expect to meet you here!" she said to Kyon, who for whatever reason happened to be here in Yuki's apartment. He couldn't be there. Ryoko couldn't help but regard Kyon as an unwanted intruder.

As Yuki slipped away to get dishes and utensils for dinner, Ryoko took a seat at the kotatsu. She could, at least, try to learn why Kyon was here, at this time of all times. Was Yuki the next victim of his rampage? Ryoko had the urge to ask him about the alleged assault on Miss Asahina, but considered that it would be impolite. And she didn't want to set off such a potentially volatile person, after all, not with Yuki here.

Kyon, for his part, claimed that he was in Yuki's apartment because they lived out in the same direction from school, and he was thinking of joining the literature club.

"So are you interested in reading or writing?" asked Asakura, personally not caring what Kyon's answer was. Something in the boy's voice told her that he wasn't being honest about wanting to join the literature club, especially since he had told Ryoko earlier in the school year that he really wasn't the literary type.

"Well, that's part of what I'm wondering about, whether I should be reading or writing." Kyon replied. To Ryoko it sounded like a poor excuse. Did he think she was stupid?

Still, she kept her tone amicable enough. By all indications it seemed that Miss Nagato had in fact invited him in. But he still seemed quite uncomfortable around her.

Eventually, Kyon seemed to find the tension too much, and rose to leave. Ryoko secretly welcomed this. Still, she figured that she should at least pretend not to be happy to see him go, and said, "What, you're not staying for dinner?" Kyon ignored her, but as he passed Yuki, who had just returned with dinner plates, he mumbled, "Sorry to bother you."

Good riddance, Ryoko thought to herself.

But then she was shocked to see Yuki do something most unexpected. Balancing the dishes in one hand, she grabbed lightly onto Kyon's sleeve, as if silently begging him not to go. Ryoko's shock, in an instant, turned to jealousy, and then rage. That tug on the sleeve, that was a gesture that Yuki reserved for her best friend, wasn't it? Not a boy that she hadn't said two words to until today!

She was even more angry when Kyon, who looked as shocked as Ryoko felt, apparently changed his mind and decided to stay for dinner. No! Get out of Yuki's life! Ryoko thought angrily. Still, she tried to compose herself as the two returned to the table, and forced herself to appear cheerful as the three of them ate dinner together. Ryoko had to remind herself that if Yuki was happy with Kyon, then she would be happy for Yuki. But it was difficult for her to accept, all the same, especially with Yuki looking away from Ryoko, stealing glances at the boy as her friend spoke to her.

At length, dinner ended, and Ryoko said a few parting words to Yuki before exiting the apartment. She was at least satisfied by now that Kyon wasn't violent, and she wasn't too worried about Yuki being alone with him momentarily. Still she waited outside, just in case.

When Kyon exited the apartment, he looked like he had seen a ghost. Honestly, what had come over him lately? Ryoko tried to get his attention, but he kept ignoring her rudely. When they entered the elevator together, she remarked, "Hey, I've been trying to get your attention. But you've been acting like you've just seen an alien or something."

He muttered, "I saw something much weirder, actually." Ryoko wondered what Kyon could have seen that would have affected him so. Or was he just pulling her leg, as she was inclined to suspect?

"Anyway, never mind," he said, apparently content to leave it at that. "So, what is it?" Kyon asked.

Ryoko found herself blurting out, "Do you like Miss Nagato?" She wasn't sure what answer she wanted to hear. On the one hand, Yuki would be happy if this boy returned her interest. Ryoko knew that. But she couldn't bring herself to hope that Kyon would answer in the affirmative. She convinced herself that her conflict over this was simply due to the fact that he really wasn't right for Yuki.

Kyon leaned against the side of the elevator, and stared dully at Ryoko. She wasn't sure what to make of that expression, but Kyon seemed ambivalent about Miss Nagato. Even though she knew that she should feel disappointed for Yuki, she couldn't help that small voice rising in triumph at the back of her mind.

"I guess I was reading too much into it," Ryoko said, with just a hint of relief in her voice, "Miss Nagato's not really your type, anyway. I've heard you prefer weirder girls."

"How do you know my preferences?" Kyon asked sharply.

Ryoko explained that this particular dig was based on something Kunikida had said in the past, about Kyon and some strange girl that he and Kunikida had gone to junior high with.

"But anyway, if you do decide to go out with Miss Nagato, please be serious, okay? If you don't, then I'll never forgive you." On the off chance that Kyon and Yuki did start dating, Ryoko wanted to be sure that Kyon wouldn't break her heart. She felt like she would have to kill him if he did something like that.

"Why are you so concerned with Nagato?" Kyon asked.

Ryoko had to admit, despite her feeling of righteous indignation at the question, it was a valid one. She had asked herself the same question a few times. Why was it, that out of all the people she had met, Yuki was the only one she felt truly warm towards? Why did Yuki occupy Ryoko's thoughts at all spare moments? She tried to explain:

"Well, maybe because we're neighbors, and she's the sort of person who needs someone to look after her."

But that wasn't a complete explanation, not really. After all, there were lots of people in the world that needed someone to look after them. But for Ryoko, Yuki was special. She felt as if it was her purpose to take care of her friend, as if there was some connection between the two of them that had existed before they even met. But she knew that Kyon would probably take such an explanation the wrong way, and in any case, the elevator had reached her floor. She stepped out and waved, smiling, to Kyon as the doors closed.

The minute Kyon's face disappeared from her sight, Ryoko's own expression dropped the forced cheerfulness she had maintained while she had been around him. She couldn't get past the fact that, however Yuki might feel about this boy, he really was no good. Honestly, what did Yuki see in him that was so special? And he didn't even really seem to return her feelings, or at the least seemed ambivalent about it. What was wrong with him? Ryoko thought that any boy should be thrilled to be the object of Yuki's affection, and for a slacker like Kyon, who evidently couldn't motivate himself to even get decent grades on his exams, it was a stroke of outstanding luck.

It was true, of course, that Yuki was very shy. But all the boys seemed to prefer shy, cute girls anyway. Ryoko once again couldn't fathom what charm all the boys at the school (and Tsuruya, apparently) found in the suspiciously short second-year Mikuru Asahina, that caused them to practically worship the ground she walked on. And from what little Ryoko knew of her, the girl was completely useless, little more than an ornament. There was more to Yuki than her external appearance, Ryoko knew. She was intelligent, and knowledgeable, and friendly on the rare occasions that she overcame her innate shyness.

As she reentered her apartment, Ryoko continued to obsess what had happened that evening. Even if she didn't approve of Kyon, she felt terrible about possibly pushing him away from Yuki by making her comment about Yuki not being his type. How would Yuki react if she knew about that? Ryoko couldn't stand the thought of Yuki, looking hurt and betrayed, her only friend having ruined her chances with the only boy she showed any interest in.

She got the impulse to call Yuki's apartment, and found herself absently dialing the number, as she considered what she was going to say. If Kyon didn't return Yuki's interest, then it did no good for Yuki to be so obsessed with him, Ryoko decided. She would tell Yuki what she had heard about Kyon, from Tsuruya, that day. Maybe she would see reason, and turn her attentions to a more deserving candidate. Ryoko could hope, anyway.

As she heard Yuki pick up, Ryoko blurted out, "Yuki, are you okay?"

"I guess so. Why?" Yuki replied, sounding genuinely puzzled.

"I was…" What? Ryoko paused. What should she say? How to segue into the news she was going to deliver?

"…wondering why Kyon was in your apartment," Ryoko finished, and then added, "He didn't force his way in, did he?"

"No, I invited him," Yuki responded, "We just happen to live out in the same direction from school, and he stopped by for tea. I think he's also interested in joining the literary club." That was the same reason Kyon had given Ryoko, but she still didn't believe it. What was his real reason?

"Yuki," Ryoko said, "please be careful. I could never forgive myself if you got hurt."

"Why are you so suspicious of Kyon?" Yuki asked, sounding annoyed. Ryoko was shocked. She could never recall Yuki responding to her with annoyance in the past. She had handled it badly, she decided. But she needed to let Yuki know the reason for her suspicions:

"Yuki I…I just worry about you, that's all. You're like a sister to me. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. I'm sorry if I went a bit too far. You're as old as I am, and just as capable of making your own decisions. But I don't really trust Kyon. Yesterday, he was like a crazy person, and Miss Tsuruya said that he tried to assault Miss Asahina. And this morning he asked me if I had ever thought about killing him, as if it were a completely normal thing to ask someone! Maybe he caught the virus and it made him a little delirious-he seemed better this evening than this morning, and he was more calm this morning than he was yesterday-but can't you see why I would be worried that he just happened to be in your apartment?"

Yuki seemed to pause for a few seconds, and then replied, "It's alright. I'm sorry I got annoyed. But I don't think Kyon is going to hurt me."

What basis do you have for that assumption? Ryoko thought to herself. But she merely responded, "I hope you're right. I think you like him a lot…and I think he may like you, as well," and hung up.

Why had she said that last thing? Was it because she felt guilty about possibly pushing Yuki and Kyon apart with what she said to him in the elevator? But how would that help things if Yuki approached Kyon, and he rejected her because Ryoko had convinced him that she wasn't his type? What if he told her the reason? What would Yuki think of her friend?

Ryoko found herself pulling the kitchen knife from its holding place again. How could she have gotten all of this so badly wrong? She was slipping, she thought to herself, as she sank to a sitting position on the floor.

And it was all because of that person, that person who was acting crazy the day before, the one that Yuki inexplicably was fixated on. Ryoko found herself stabbing the floor with the knife with unexpected ferocity. This was all his fault! Everything was fine until he came into Yuki's life and, by extension, Ryoko's. And now he was causing everything to fall apart and, to judge from the tone of annoyance that Yuki had briefly used when talking to Ryoko, turning her best friend against her!

Yuki is mine! Ryoko thought, stabbing the floor again. Mine! MINE! Each mental exclamation punctuated by a stabbing of the knife into the floor. She let loose with all her rage, imagining that rather than wood, she was stabbing through bone and sinew. How dare Kyon intrude upon her world, her friend? He deserved to die!

But as Ryoko calmed down, looking ruefully at the knife marks she had left in the floor, she was suddenly horrified with herself. What was she doing, thinking of Yuki as "belonging" to her? What kind of friend was she? Behind her affable façade, was this all there really was? A possessive psychopath ready to kill anything that came between her and Yuki? Leaving the knife where it was, still sticking out of the floor, she rolled over miserably, hugged her knees to her chest, and cried.

/

Ryoko slept fitfully that night, at least in part because she fell asleep on the floor.

And she was troubled by nightmares. They were a confusing blur, for the most part, and I'll Ryoko could remember from each nightmare was her own voice saying, "I'll never forgive you!"

Waking up, Ryoko first noticed the knife still sticking out of the floor next to her. How foolish to leave it there! If she had rolled over, she thought to herself, she could have been badly injured. If she was particularly unlucky, she could have severed her femoral artery and bled out. And then what would happen to Yuki, when Ryoko was gone? It wasn't like she could depend on Kyon, Ryoko knew.

As she placed the knife back in its holder, Ryoko took stock of what had happened the previous evening. She hadn't handled the situation all that well, but she was sure that the situation wasn't hopeless. She would find some way to set everything right, Ryoko told herself. She would need to try and catch Yuki as she went to school, so she could better explain her outburst the previous evening.

She set out to school a little earlier than Yuki, but deliberately kept a very slow pace, so that Yuki could catch up to her. As it turned out, Yuki caught up to her much earlier than she had anticipated. Either Yuki had set out for school earlier than normal, or she had hurried. Had she wanted to talk to Ryoko too?

"Hello, Yuki," Ryoko said, "Are you okay? You look a little tired," she noticed that Yuki's eyes seemed to droop a bit more than usual. Had she not slept well the previous night either? Why would that be? Ryoko was genuinely worried.

She tried to better explain what she said the previous evening, but Yuki seemed preoccupied, and Ryoko's efforts were futile. Disappointed, she hoped that Yuki would be more receptive later.

When she arrived in class, Ryoko had to face Kyon again. He still had that same inscrutable, somewhat bored look on his face that he usually had. She didn't say a word to him.

She was waiting expectantly for the lunch bell to ring. She tried to better compose what she would say to Yuki when she got the chance, but found herself unable to think of what to say. Normally, such things came easily to her, but she was having a difficult time today. And it was all the worse because this was important to Ryoko.

But as she departed the classroom, Ryoko found herself accosted by the representative from class I-3. What did Kyon do now? She thought. But surprisingly, this had nothing to do with Kyon. He was here to talk about organizing the end of term ceremonies, a project he and Ryoko had agreed to help with, before she got sick. He was swamped, simply swamped, he said, trying to do it all on his own, and he really needed her help. So she got dragged into helping to make the seating chart during her lunch time. She secretly wanted to hit the other class representative for taking her time right now, but there wasn't much she could do. She had, after all, agreed to this earlier.

Returning to her classroom just before the second bell rang, Ryoko resolved to find Yuki and talk to her after school. Hopefully Kyon wouldn't be there, and she would have the chance to talk to Yuki alone. She noted that Kyon was nowhere to be found in the classroom when she returned, and wondered where he had gone.

But as she left the classroom at the end of classes, she was thwarted again. Somebody said that Kyon had gone crazy and run out of class during lunch, saying that he had "the plague, dysentery, and Typhus II". She had to file a report about his unexplained absence. Kyon was apparently not done causing her inconvenience.

She had to go down to the central office, but found that they were swamped dealing with students' excuses from absences, due to the virus that was going around. Ryoko waited for almost half an hour before she could get the necessary form. As she filled it out angrily, swearing that she would have words with Kyon for his behavior, something happened.

At first, Ryoko noticed a slight buzzing in her ears. At first, she paid it no mind, but after a minute or so it had increased in intensity until it was impossible to ignore. And her vision was darkening. Now she was afraid. What was happening to her? She found herself losing her balance as her vision faded completely to black and the buzzing increased in volume to such a degree that it blocked out all other sound, leaving her with only the intolerable noise in her ears.

She fell, but she didn't hit the floor. She seemed to fall an impossible distance.

She seemed to hear a disembodied voice, coming from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. She could hear it in her head, through the buzzing, what sounded like her own voice:

_I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU._

_/_

And then everything changed to white.

Ryoko could see nothing around her but an impenetrable whiteness. She was aware that she was lying on a solid surface of some sort, although she didn't remember feeling any impact. At least the buzzing was gone, as was the disembodied voice. Terrified that she had gone blind, she put her hand up to her face, and satisfied upon confirming that she still had her sight, she relaxed somewhat.

She sat up and looked around. There seemed to be nothing but white around her. Still, whatever surface she was on seemed solid enough, and she got to her feet. She felt a queasy sensation in her stomach as she stood.

"Hello?" Ryoko called out questioningly. She wasn't sure who would be here, in this strange place, or even where it was. Was this some sort of bizarre holding cell? Had she been drugged earlier, and kidnapped? But who would do such a thing? And how had they whisked her away from school when they did? Surely someone would have noticed and objected, or called the police.

Or was this a hallucination?

She found her calm breaking as she looked wildly around her. She saw nothing, nothing except…wait! She saw something. Some figure advancing on her. She couldn't make out its features, but it appeared human, at least. Although she was apprehensive, Ryoko walked towards the figure, finding after the first few, tentative steps, that whatever surface was under her feet was quite even and solid. She began to stride more confidently towards the figure, intending to demand where she was and why she had been brought here.

She squinted as the figure came into view. For some reason, the figure looked vaguely familiar, as if she had seen it somewhere before.

But as she got closer, she disbelieved her own eyes. This couldn't be who she thought it was.

"Hello," said the figure, now clearly in view, who looked completely identical to Ryoko Asakura.


End file.
